My Examined Life

I'm not in the mood of writing out exactly what's going through my mind. It's strange. I should mention that I now know that things are really over and I'm really trying to move on. It's tough and it's a very strange feeling because I have this guilty feeling of letting go of the person who's really changed my views about living and who opened a door to accepting my emotions. Therefore, I felt like I should write one of my journal entry from when the relationship started and when it ended  for me . I don't know if this would help me move on or if it will make things difficult, but I know it's something that I want to do. 11 February 2018 (The Start) So I should mention that I'm now in a relationship with T. He's what I like to call beautiful boyfriend. BB. BB and I are good together. I still find the concept of being in a relationship strange, but he's who I desire. What I desire. It's been taking me some time to accept him as a...

A person shouldn't feel guilty for admitting their feelings. It's possible to come clean with a feeling to someone and yet still feel bad for telling them. Possibly regret even, that maybe it was best to keep your thoughts or feeling to yourself. But who is to tell? There is no right side. I told my boyfriend today about what was going through my mind about our relationship. The truth is, I don't feel like anything I say to him is important. I've convinced myself that my anxiety about the relationship is nonsense. That I'm just overreacting. My thoughts aren't valid, they are just crazy because I don't have a clear mind. It's all imbalanced because I'm just a messed up person that ruins everything. And if I say anything about what I' thinking about the relationship, I would just ruin it like how I typically do. I truly do feel like I'm crazy. My boyfriend told me he's crazy, but that's he just hides it well from society. The onl...