The Relationship; Talk.

A person shouldn't feel guilty for admitting their feelings. It's possible to come clean with a feeling to someone and yet still feel bad for telling them. Possibly regret even, that maybe it was best to keep your thoughts or feeling to yourself. But who is to tell? There is no right side.

I told my boyfriend today about what was going through my mind about our relationship.

The truth is, I don't feel like anything I say to him is important. I've convinced myself that my anxiety about the relationship is nonsense. That I'm just overreacting. My thoughts aren't valid, they are just crazy because I don't have a clear mind. It's all imbalanced because I'm just a messed up person that ruins everything. And if I say anything about what I' thinking about the relationship, I would just ruin it like how I typically do.

I truly do feel like I'm crazy. My boyfriend told me he's crazy, but that's he just hides it well from society. The only way for me to hid it is to shut down. To not let anyone truly know what's going on with me.

It's hard for me to want to do things because I'm convinced that things will not end well for me. There's going to be some point in life where I won't be able to continue. But I'm trying because I have to. I can't let the other down. But this voice in my head, if it doesn't shut up, then it's going to be really hard.

I told my boyfriend that he always makes it about him. That I don't want him to stop telling me what's going on with him, that I'm just asking him to let me do the same. For him to just listen to me for once. But I think I just made it worse. I told him that I want him to listen to me, but I don't even want to talk to him? What does that make of me? But it should be a good thing that I told him how I feel, right? That's how it should work, but I think I just made things worse between us. Why do I feel this way?

I always blame the fault on myself. I try to convince myself that what I did was right, but then again I always feel like that I'm the wrong one. That I'm the reason things don't work. I don't work. I'm an inconvenience to people, that's what I feel like.

Maybe it would just be better for me to be on my own again. It's going to happen sooner or later. I'm not equipt for relationships. I'm just not right for anyone.

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