My Examined Life

Endings can be as hard as making a commitment. That's what I believe. Starting something, with someone, you begin to fit them in your equations. Where they will fit into your life. They're a variable. So when it comes to the end of a commitment, you don't know what comes next. Sometimes you don't want to see what comes next without them. Maybe it will make things more clear. Who knows for sure. It's the unknown. "I'm not the same as before" "I'm just dragging you down" "I'm not well enough to be in a relationship" These are the things I was told while being broken up with today. I didn't really want to end things, but the relationship died when I came back to Florida. I'm still kind of blaming myself, I know I shouldn't. I keep thinking that maybe if I would have just kept my mouth shut and let him go on about himself, that maybe the relationship would have gone on a little bit longer. But I already know if...

A person shouldn't feel guilty for admitting their feelings. It's possible to come clean with a feeling to someone and yet still feel bad for telling them. Possibly regret even, that maybe it was best to keep your thoughts or feeling to yourself. But who is to tell? There is no right side. I told my boyfriend today about what was going through my mind about our relationship. The truth is, I don't feel like anything I say to him is important. I've convinced myself that my anxiety about the relationship is nonsense. That I'm just overreacting. My thoughts aren't valid, they are just crazy because I don't have a clear mind. It's all imbalanced because I'm just a messed up person that ruins everything. And if I say anything about what I' thinking about the relationship, I would just ruin it like how I typically do. I truly do feel like I'm crazy. My boyfriend told me he's crazy, but that's he just hides it well from society. The onl...