My Examined Life

I'm not in the mood of writing out exactly what's going through my mind. It's strange. I should mention that I now know that things are really over and I'm really trying to move on. It's tough and it's a very strange feeling because I have this guilty feeling of letting go of the person who's really changed my views about living and who opened a door to accepting my emotions. Therefore, I felt like I should write one of my journal entry from when the relationship started and when it ended  for me . I don't know if this would help me move on or if it will make things difficult, but I know it's something that I want to do. 11 February 2018 (The Start) So I should mention that I'm now in a relationship with T. He's what I like to call beautiful boyfriend. BB. BB and I are good together. I still find the concept of being in a relationship strange, but he's who I desire. What I desire. It's been taking me some time to accept him as a...

Endings can be as hard as making a commitment. That's what I believe. Starting something, with someone, you begin to fit them in your equations. Where they will fit into your life. They're a variable. So when it comes to the end of a commitment, you don't know what comes next. Sometimes you don't want to see what comes next without them. Maybe it will make things more clear. Who knows for sure. It's the unknown. "I'm not the same as before" "I'm just dragging you down" "I'm not well enough to be in a relationship" These are the things I was told while being broken up with today. I didn't really want to end things, but the relationship died when I came back to Florida. I'm still kind of blaming myself, I know I shouldn't. I keep thinking that maybe if I would have just kept my mouth shut and let him go on about himself, that maybe the relationship would have gone on a little bit longer. But I already know if...