My Examined Life

I've been stuck between two things. Up until a January, I had this mindset that people aren't here forever. People leave. With that, I didn't allow myself to depend on others and that it was best to only look after myself and do what's best for me. By thinking that way, I was reckless and didn't care for when I hurt someone. I never allowed myself to picture anyone else in my future. It was just me. But now, that chain is broke. I don't want to go back to being that cold-hearted bitch, but at the same time, I feel like I should. Although, I don't want to miss out on meeting someone special. But I don't want to go through this again. Do I meet and try to connect with as many or do I go on about my life and just not care. Both will leave me in confusion. Though what's the point. I can't stop anyone from leaving. No matter how much I care for them or love them. I won't allow anyone to stay. I just let them leave, because it's their lif

I'm not in the mood of writing out exactly what's going through my mind. It's strange. I should mention that I now know that things are really over and I'm really trying to move on. It's tough and it's a very strange feeling because I have this guilty feeling of letting go of the person who's really changed my views about living and who opened a door to accepting my emotions. Therefore, I felt like I should write one of my journal entry from when the relationship started and when it ended  for me . I don't know if this would help me move on or if it will make things difficult, but I know it's something that I want to do. 11 February 2018 (The Start) So I should mention that I'm now in a relationship with T. He's what I like to call beautiful boyfriend. BB. BB and I are good together. I still find the concept of being in a relationship strange, but he's who I desire. What I desire. It's been taking me some time to accept him as a