What's on my mind and about today; en. 1

I've been wondering why I'm not feeling for heartbroken from this breakup. Honestly, it was the best relationship I've ever had. Yeah, we had some issues, especially at the end. For a moment, I would see him in my future. So why am I okay? Shouldn't I be crying at random times?

I know that I'm going to see him again because he has my fan and my minifridge, But that's not until two months from today. Would I still feel nothing about the breakup? 

Sometime, when I'm having some alone time, I would purposely think about the times we had together, just to make me sad. I feel like I should be crying, but it just doesn't happen. I don't even have an empty feeling in me. I just go about my day. I feel guilty for not feeling sad. 

I've allowed someone into my life, allowed them to be a part of the choices I made, whom I shared many experiences with, and now, they are no longer going to be a part of my life. Come on, that's some sad stuff, right?! 

Yesterday, however, I did feel something. I went back to hooking up with Ethan. 
Ethan is a guy that I had a fling with during winter break. 
It didn't feel right when I was with him. It was the most meaningless hook up I have ever had. Which is weird. I've had a hook up that felt meaningless. I just didn't feel right. I was thinking about my ex. About how passionate we were for each other. It was so intimate. While I was with Ethan, he was definitely passionate, but I wasn't. I wanted to just get it over with. 

I guess I just miss having the intimate connection with someone, but I don't want it anymore.

--------------------

Today I started working at Tacobell. I already don't like it, but I only have to work there until the end of August. They don't know that though. I'm definitely going to keep to myself there. I'm not going to go above and beyond. There's just no point. 

One of the girls there is 19, which is the same age as me, but she's married. It's wild. 

That's all I can really say about my day.

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